asking a loved one about their life story

Photo by Danie Franco on Unsplash

Our attention - or time - is the most valuable thing we can give a friend or family member.

We tend to only hear stories about people’s lives during weddings or funerals. Why do we wait for these occasions?

One of the most special things you can do for someone you care about is to ask them questions about their life. To hear them recount tales of their childhood, explain the circumstances as to how they ended up doing what they did career wise, and described their fondest memories.

Even people you’ve known for a long time where there’s a lot of assumed knowledge. Getting context for their life builds understanding and empathy.

With older relatives especially, it’s important to seize the moment and ask these questions before it’s too late.

It’ll be a precious experience for you both at the time, but more so down the track. You’ll come to treasure the fact you did it, as well as the stories and things you discovered along the way.

Don't just take our word for it though! Here’s how a few participants from the movement got on with their intentional conversations.

“She is currently in an assisted living facility, and I think she enjoyed being interviewed/someone taking an interest in her life. Before I left, I thanked her for her willingness to try something new and participate in the interview, she responded, ‘anytime’.”

— Sarah (the US) who visited her Aunt Mary and asked her questions about her life.

“I wanted to capture the taonga (treasure) of stories from my nana-in-law - who has always dropped little pieces of her life into conversation over the years. It felt like it was important to dive deeper and hear more, so I organised a recording session where we can take our time and discuss her life. Nothing short of amazing and I’ve captured it for the future. An amazing lady and she opened up about about many things we didn’t know. I know my wife and I will treasure this time with her.”

— Sean (New Zealand) who recorded a conversation with his nana-in-law alongside his wife

“While there was intrigue around recording, from the moment we sat down until some 2 hours later, it just flew by. It was great to spend the time - and it doesn’t need to be recorded of course. Don’t wait - there is no better time than now.”

— Sean’s advice to others out there considering something similar

Photo by Mike Tinnion on Unsplash

“I asked about how she met her late husband and what he was like. She told me a fantastic story about her as a teenager meeting this boy from the navy. She went into detail and told me about their first date and how their relationship progressed. I asked about how he died and she told me about their final moments and the last conversation they had. She proceeded to ask me questions about how I met her great grandson. She told me stories my fiancé had never heard. It was a really special moment.”

— Evangeline (Northern Ireland) who chatted to her fiancé’s 102 yr old Great Grandmother

Photo by Austin Chan on Unsplash

Who’s story would you like to learn more about?

Whether it’s an older relative or a friend, don’t wait. Take the initiative and ask some questions, see where it takes you.

If you need reassurance or help with the ‘how’, start by downloading activity guide and feel free to get in touch. We’d love to help if we can.